Category: Porn
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Booty Call Me Maybe
The first time I really spoke to Trevor Lawson, we discussed alcoholic whipped cream. “What do you do with this?” my friend Jennifer inquired. “Or rather, who do you do with this?” Trevor Lawson let out a polite chuckle. Jennifer was immersed in the ancient art of being a wingwoman, the origins of which date…
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Asshole in Sheep’s Clothing
Fresh pieces of a mutilated cat lay along Delaware Avenue. Its body has been crushed beneath bicycle tires. What was once a cat is now a torn-apart, unrecognizable mess. Stray cats slink up and lick the delicious cat-aver. Dripping ooze falls from their whiskered lips, as they devour their feline friend. Cat-ibalism. There’s one glittering…
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The Craigslist Orgy
“Didn’t you write about Video Liquidators?” I look up from my wine glass, eyes landing on a mustachioed guy I sort-of know. It’s 10 p.m. at The Gypsy Parlor, and a hip-hop show is going on. “Yeah, I did. You read it?” “I was deeply moved by the article,” this mustached guy, whose name is…
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Naughty Secretary Wishes and Caviar Dreams
The office wall clock strikes 8 a.m. I’m at my desk, polishing up an article about the Alden Senior Citizens Gospel Choir, with the working title “Never too old for Jesus, Christ.” My editor just might like it. The draft left him speechless. Rubbing my bloodshot eyes, I consider making a fourth trip to the coffee…
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Movie Date at the Video Liquidators Theatre
My estranged friend and former colleague, Rory from Manitoba, has come for a visit. We’re trying to decide what to do with our Saturday night. He has crossed the border with grace and elegance, so the least I can do is show him a proper Buffalo Night Out. “Listen, I had an idea yesterday, for my…
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